I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
