You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
