she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
