I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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