Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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