so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
