do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
