Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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