I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
