Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just had sex bonerless
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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