I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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