That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
