either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
