butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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