hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
birth control should be required to get into college
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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