12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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