Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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