Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
