I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
