Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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