I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
