Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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