i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
