I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
