You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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