i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
