You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
