OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
