and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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