But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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