You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
