I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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