My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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