How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
