can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
