My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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