Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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