Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
