Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
