What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
