He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
