i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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