I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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