I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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