Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
