I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
