got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
