they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
