Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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