new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
