Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
