Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how does that bad decision feel?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
