I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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