glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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