i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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