lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
